this is not real love is the song am listening while i write this....
well...this is not a true FREE asociation, cause it is affected by the song and also am guarding myself from telling all i think of.....anyway....am trying to make as free as i can to publish in this blog....
smoking.....yeah smoking...sometimes i smoke..but why?...i don't know....well Freud says that smoking is a belonging to the mother's breast...silly isn't it....anyway new researches found that smoking increase dopamine in the brain....letting one feel more bettre...but ....
well...the smoke it self when fly free in air and take all these shapes is relaxing for me...i noticed that when i found myself cannot smoke in dark.... in dark....i love darkness....especially these days..am i hiding from something?....from some feeling?....i ....don't know...
in dark i can see myself bettre...i think alot in darkness... and think bettre i think...cause stimulus from surroundings decrease...and i can concentrate...some colleagues when find me sitting in my bed in darkness think am strange...(i think they say in their mind a psychiatrist!)...
i will take another cigarette...wait...
yeah....look at as dancing baby...lets danse and show them all how close we are... that was from the song am hearing....so...well it is not a free association cause am trying to hide some ideas..i will stop now....sorry
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2 comments:
Dear Dr. Sami,
Never be sorry for what you do or do not write, okay...I love sitting in the darkness too...wish I smoked, even though I really don't care much for the "after effect smell" that it leaves...except it does remind me od some frieds I used to have that I miss soooo much. I am a failed smoker...I have tried many times, but just can't seem to get it right...a failure...nothing new about that....tracy
I doubt you're escaping from a feeling if you're in the darkness. i believe you're simply depriving yourself from the real darkness: the TV, The computer...all those visual noises. and by this you're discovering yourself more and becoming more in peace with yourself.
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