Tuesday, October 21, 2008

strawberrian shadow

I never wanted to publish a name of a person without telling him/her in advance. But how can I meet her now? What life had done to her? Where is she now? Is her huge crowded family house still there? Is that Grindeizer big poster still hanged at the back of one of her many brothers room door. Were all those children in that house her sisters and brothers? They were all welcoming her back with great happiness. When we took her to her home I felt that her sisters, brothers and parents were waiting us to go so that they can really welcome her, embrace her, and ask her about the days she spent in our house.
We were taking her to her home every two weeks as far as I can remember. She spent few days there, less than 3. And we go back there to bring her. Was she going sometimes to her home on her own? Did she comeback someday on her own? I cannot remember. I was just a child below 6 years. Wasn't at school yet. My parents had to go to their work. She must come to take care of me and my young sister in their absence. She used to take care of my baby sister but I was treated differently. I knew that she was not a physical beauty since I first met her. I remember that my female cousin did not like her. I was treating my cousin as my older sister.
One day we were examining our stamps together. There was a series of stamps telling the story of Jesus. They were stamps from the United Arab Emirates. I asked:
- Who is this?
She started to tell me about him. She wanted to say more and more but wasn't encouraged by some as I can remember faintly.
So when the other day my cousin invented that rhyme and told me to sing it to her I felt so happy to annoy her. A wicked evil smile draws itself in our faces, me and my cousin.
I still remember how she just came inside smiling when I, in the existence of my silent cousin, stood and sang: "Mariam Al Athraa, tateer fil sahraa" (mean: the Virgin Mary, is flying in the desert). I felt while I said that that my cousin, who was behind me, went to the kitchen down casting her head hiding a smile , while her….she looked at me with a wounded look, turned as fast as she can, my smile faded in my childish stupidity, she walked, she run out of the door she just came in from, my heart sank in a newly discovered sorrow, I could see her face crying, my eyes opened wide in a stunted feeling of guilt, fear, sadness, and anger mixed all together in my growing brain.
I asked her for forgiveness. She accepted to forgive me after just saw how I looked so sorry. I loved that Christian girl, I discovered for the first time that my cousin can make terrible mistakes; I knew that I can take another point of view different from my cousin's.
I even stopped telling my cousin about what happens between her and our boy neighbor who loved to talk to her under that huge strawberry tree shadows. And we started to have some secrets. I was against her frequent increasing meetings with that boy. She felt annoyed because I was so alert on her. My cousin was asking me more and more intensely about those meetings under that tree. I was becoming more silent and angrier on her when she went to meet him. She used to wait for him sometimes behind the nearby fence. I used to become irritable and start making some actions to annoy her. She told me then about that "STAR WAR" thing. She claimed that a war will happen between the stars and that the whole universe will explode and all of we will die. She knew how afraid I felt. She kept telling me that till her boy came. And since then, every time I tried to annoy her when she waits for him she would start talking about that STAR WAR.
Our alliance started to be threatened by the continuous interrogations done by my cousin with me, trying to make me confess. Till one day something happened and those meetings were stopped by themselves. I confess to my lady about the secret talking between my parents about her. They were not happy about the way she acts. I did feel how sad she felt. It was Iraq-Iran war, the weather was gloomy, and lights in our silent small house were faint. I took the stamps and told her to tell me the story again….
One day she told me:
- Oh I miss Sami.
- Sami? (I said smilingly confused).
- Yes, I love him.
- Who is he? (I asked annoyed).
- Sami our neighbor.
- …….(if I was sitting, then I think I stood up).
- He got huge muscles, his biceps is the biggest I ever seen.
- I got muscles too, see!!!
- Naaa, his muscles are of a man, you are still a kid (she said that and laughed as far as I can remember).
She didn't repeat that "Sami" story very often. A fact that made me hope that this was a faked story.
- We had taken you many times to your home.
- Yes, how much I miss my home.
- And I can remember that poster of "I am a disco dancer".
- Yeah, how much I like this film, Indian films are really romantic.
- I can remember I saw the hero wearing a red clothes in his head.
- Yeah.
- I can remember the picture of Grindizer in your brothers' room door, and I can remember your brothers' names.
- And sister?
- And sisters' names too. But there is something I cannot remember.
- Which is? You big rememberer?
- I cannot remember a man named Sami in your neighborhood.
She felt sad. I felt great. After a while I was sad too. I asked my father to accept that we play that cassette in his huge JVC recorder. He agreed. "I am a disco dancer" started its dancing rhythm and she agreed to dance with me again that day.

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