Friday, May 18, 2007

That day I felt fatigue and I was avoiding conversations with my colleagues preferring to sit alone in complete silence while letting my eyes getting lost into gazes that scan the surroundings without exactly knowing what they see, and my head was going as a blank blackboard, but you can find the traces of the old words that was written by white and other colorful chock by the hands of the psychiatric ward.. I let them write on my mind blackboard all they want, and it came as a panorama of Iraqi languages: Arabic, Kurdish, Turkish, Armani, Assyrian, and others all speaking there problems so the threads of their stories get tied in my head today to a degree that I preferred to give my self a rest from talking… I went blank….
After the lunch I found my self tired so I went to bed and to my surprise I fell in deep sleep for about 3 hours, followed by rest in front of the TV alone changing the channels while the TV sound is too low..
My colleague told me that it is time to go to have dinner.. I told him to go before me and that I will follow him.. I took my clothes on slowly hopping that my colleague will find a person to talk to so that he will not talk to me.. I went slowly to the room where we usually have dinner but I found no one there.. I heard voices coming from the window, looked and found that doctors are having dinner in the garden… I put my headphone on and opened the radio of my mobile phone on the Air Force Radio (of the US army) while I walked to the garden hopping I will be more isolated from the sounds outside.. and it was this song:

No matter how hard I try
You keep pushing me aside
And I can't break through
There's no talking to you
It's so sad that you're leaving
It takes time to believe it
But after all is said and done
You've gonna be the lonely one
Do you believe in life after love?
I can feel something inside me say
I really don't think you're so strong enough
Do you believe in life after love?

This song (by Cher named Believe) made me smile for the first time in that day while am interring the garden where a fresh cold air came into my face hitting deep into my nose reaching my soul from there… I took out the ear pieces from my ears and looked above.. sky was deep blue in a strange way, and there was a lonely tree at the corner of the garden, it is in deep green, its contrast with the deep dark sky was amazing, as if am seeing this for the first time…
I hided my smile so that I do not look more strange than am really is today.. But that sight reminded me how life can be beautiful..
I came back to my normal level of functioning and took my lunch to sit beside my colleague and start to talk to him and he was happy to have me back again talking again.. we talked too much about all the silly things that we can talk.. I was suddenly happy and laughing with a true joy and my colleague was happy for me.. as I noticed..

At night, when all went to sleep I went back to that tree… how wonderful it is.. in Arabic language the word "tree" is feminine so I will refer to the tree by "she"..
She is tall.. high…and slim from below and strait.. then at the half of her way to stars above her leaves start to rise pointing to the sky…
There are blue looking small headed flowers around the garden all looking to the tree as small servants look to their queen, the tree…

She got a sister standing in the nearby garden, who is little shorter and more obese, I think the queen is the older sister.. the wiser..
At night I took all these picture to her by my poor quality mobile camera… and the next morning I was completely normal so I went again to the garden in the afternoon to say hi to my magical queen which healed me yesterday and took this picture to her

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

What an amazing is sooo very powerful, I know exactly the song you are talking about...and the connection with the tree, the patients, your collegues and how you were feeling...and how it all fit together.
Thank you for a wonderful post and the beautiful pictures of the tree and especially thank you for what you do, sincerely, tracy