I was in the first year of my residency in psychiatry when I started to study in detail the stages of the life cycle of ERIC ERIKSON (1902-1994) and I asked my self in what stage I am, I was 28, and that means I was in stage 6 which is called Intimacy Vs. Isolation (from 21 years to 40 years), which states that the main struggle to resolve is between being isolated (the abnormal pole), or make relationships and being in a state of love and intimacy to others (the healthy pole).
At that point, as I remember, I stopped and started to remember the past year of my life, and I decided that I need more relations than I was having, so I joined my 5 male single neighbors in their daily evening meeting, but I could not attend that daily and could not stay late at night with them, and gradually I stopped attending those evenings due to many causes… anyway…I said in my mind (thank you ERIC ERIKSON but I prefer isolation at time being)…
Since 3 years and 4 times of the week I see about 2-3 new clients coming to hospital, but it is not wise to make a friendship with a client.
Now am lonelier than before… and am asking is this normal or not…and am searching for a theory in relationships telling me that am ok….
I found a term called ANOPHELIA, coined by Henderson et al., in 1981, and defined as: a state of real or perceived deficiency in relationships… a state of not receiving care, concern, comfort, interest, or support from others… and I said to myself (do I have that?)..I was not sure of the answer…
Well… am living in Iraq, where you can not promise someone of something for the future, because there is no way to know what the future can hold for you, this is why am little hesitant to make long term relationships with commitments… the thing am avoiding by avoiding relationships is commitments as I finally think…. But I was also not sure of that… it maybe more complicated.. I don't know..
That evening I heard again a new song of Bon Jovi and he says:
If you don't know, if you should stay
If you don't know, what's on your mind
Baby just breathe
There's nowhere else tonight we should be
You wanna make a memory?
If you go now, I'll understand
If you stay, hey, I've got a plan
We're gonna make a memory
You wanna steal a piece of time
You can sing the melody to me
And I can write a couple of lines
You wanna make a memory?
At that point, as I remember, I stopped and started to remember the past year of my life, and I decided that I need more relations than I was having, so I joined my 5 male single neighbors in their daily evening meeting, but I could not attend that daily and could not stay late at night with them, and gradually I stopped attending those evenings due to many causes… anyway…I said in my mind (thank you ERIC ERIKSON but I prefer isolation at time being)…
Since 3 years and 4 times of the week I see about 2-3 new clients coming to hospital, but it is not wise to make a friendship with a client.
Now am lonelier than before… and am asking is this normal or not…and am searching for a theory in relationships telling me that am ok….
I found a term called ANOPHELIA, coined by Henderson et al., in 1981, and defined as: a state of real or perceived deficiency in relationships… a state of not receiving care, concern, comfort, interest, or support from others… and I said to myself (do I have that?)..I was not sure of the answer…
Well… am living in Iraq, where you can not promise someone of something for the future, because there is no way to know what the future can hold for you, this is why am little hesitant to make long term relationships with commitments… the thing am avoiding by avoiding relationships is commitments as I finally think…. But I was also not sure of that… it maybe more complicated.. I don't know..
That evening I heard again a new song of Bon Jovi and he says:
If you don't know, if you should stay
If you don't know, what's on your mind
Baby just breathe
There's nowhere else tonight we should be
You wanna make a memory?
If you go now, I'll understand
If you stay, hey, I've got a plan
We're gonna make a memory
You wanna steal a piece of time
You can sing the melody to me
And I can write a couple of lines
You wanna make a memory?
3 comments:
Wow, Dr. Sami,
I am sorry you are so alone and so lonely. And that, as you said, being in Iraq, you can't promise anyone anything...that is sooo very sad. I love the way you relate to lyrics in songs and how you sometimes post them here...I love relating song lyrics to people and events and just plain enjoying them. Thank you for a most excellent blog and I wish for you many friends and much love to come to you.
Salaam, tracy
Dear Tracy I came today to read your comments and was happy to see them... I feel not lonely when I see your comments whcih makes me feel that someone is caring and reading my blog...hope someday you will have a blog and write whatever comes to your mind...I will be the first to read it..
Tracy, if you want to write something in my blog just send it to my email...and i will publish it in your name...ok? i will grateful for you if you write something about some experience you got that have some psychological implication... something about the colors of the mind...
Dear Dr. Sami,
I was at a Best Buy (music, eletronics, etc store) with my son yesterday (his grandma sent him some money for his b-day and he just h a d to buy some cd's, that day) and I saw the very cd that you wrote about these lyrics...I picked it up and thought of you...almost bought it so I could play this song that you wrote about...maybe I still will..."some psychological implication"...oh, yes, could I write about that! ok. (yes, you can publish that on your blog!) best to you, tracy
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