Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Loosening of association

Most of the DVDs where used. I found "The Vally of Elah" lost in the box of the old films. I noticed that the DVDs nylon cover is very clean. I opened it, "it is not used", I murmured to myself. At home I was so alert watching the film in the darkness of my room's vally whose lights are shut off deliberately due to some tension headache claims.
Tommy Lee Jones looked at me with his eyes. His gaze was intense. I stopped drinking my Tamarind juice holding the glass with my confused hand. He said: "Sami, I used to be like you, an energetic clever young man"…


"hey hey wait…" I yelled, putting the glass above some papers in the table "I am not energetic, and I am sometimes very stupid….remember how I lost her friendship? I shouldn't said that to her…she is married and we were friends…why do I always fall in love with married woman? Is this a fear from commitment? A fear from marriage? A fear from real love? Am I afraid that love may destroy me?"
"hey hey now you stop shrink" he yelled.."what the hell are you talkin! Put all your shrink trash in your papers and let us talk about life….or death maybe cause what is happening in the valley of Elah is really depressant…"
"Tommyyy com on I thought that you are a flag-waving man" I said…
"forget about the flags"…he said then he stopped looking into my eyes…he looked really depressed

"tommy…we need to forget about our problems.." I said while I retake my glass of juice and took a sip and contiued: "I lost a friend…you lost a son…flags are.."
"DON'T EVERR..NEVERR MENTION FLAGS AGAIN!!!" he yelled and then shout suddenly "UNDERSTAND!!" I droped some juice on my pijama..
"okay man?" I said….he ended his second episode of intense eye contact by looking in the nowhere sadly.... "I ….I was just…..I…" I noticed that he tried to look into my eyes again and he did… but this time his eye contact was benign…so I continued with my "I"s: "i….i….that story of the valley of Elah, was about David? King David? Prophet? Hmmm?" before he tried to look into my eyes again the electric power was shut off….i was in complete silence for few seconds… then an old woman with a beard and three broken teeth in her hand came walking till she stopped in front of me. I pul my chair backward. "They are three DAVIDs I want you to remember" she said while she sat at the bed which lies behind me. I turned my chair to face her. She continued: "David the first" then an overhead projector light shined from her eyes to the wall near us. I saw this picture:





"He looks like me...he he heee"...she said smiling then added "ihm ihm...let us talk seriously...Psychiatry is lucky in having a movement of criticism called "the antipsychiatry" . The term "antipsychiatry" was coined by a psychiatrist called David Cooper.


In "Oxford handbook of psychiatry", the mention of these critics was preceeded by the following words: " They are presented here for historic interest and so that the sources for modern-day advocates of these ideas can be identified."


Oxford hadbook of psychiatry also states that: "All psychiatrists should retain this healthy scientific scepticism and be prepared to question their beliefs about the causes and cures of mental illness."


She shut her eyes and the photo dissapeared. "That was the first David I wanted you to know about. The second one is....." She opened her eyes wide and an overhead projector light shined from her eyes again focusing itself on another wall revealing this picture

"Rosenhan....David Rosenhan.....I respect those antipsychiatrists because they dare to be so. I remember and mention always an experiment done by David Rosenhan, a psychologist. An experiment that is very famous and is mentioned by the wikipedia like this:
"Rosenhan's study consisted of two parts. The first involved the use of healthy associates or "pseudopatients," who briefly simulated auditory hallucinations in an attempt to gain admission to 12 different psychiatric hospitals in five different states in various locations in the United States. The second involved asking staff at a psychiatric hospital to detect non-existent "fake" patients. In the first case hospital staff failed to detect a single pseudopatient, in the second the staff falsely detected large numbers of genuine patients as impostors"....


She blinked and the light was gone...


"The third David...." while she said that I sighed...



"you must be bored…then I should go now…" she started to be transparent a little by little till she dissapeared.
The next day I was walking. My foot took me to the library and stopped in front of a shelf of old books. My eyes looked at that book entitled "The Divided self/ Ronal David Laing". One of my hands took the book and put on the table. My mouth, with aid of some other organs talked and said: "may I have a paper, please.". the librarian brought a paper and put it in front of my body. my hands started copying from the book the following lines:


"in many schiaophrenics, the self-body split remains the basic one"


"in its final form, such complete disintegration is a hypothetical state which has no verbal equivalent"


" a certain amount of incomprehensibility of a schizophrenic speech and action becomes intelligible if we remember that there is the basic split in his being……"


"the individual's being is cleft in two, producing a disembodies self and a body that is a thing that the self looks at, regarding it at times as thought it were just another thing in the world. The total body and also many "mental" processes are severed from the self, which may continue to operate in a very restricted enclave (phantasying and observing), or it may appear to cease to function altogether (i.e. be dead, murdered, stolen)."



"yet these irreducible difficulties are practically certain to be much increase, at least in one's first encounters with the patient, by his or her deliberate use of obscurity and complexity as a smoke-screen to hid behind. This creats the ironical situation that the schizophrenic is often playing at being psychotic, or pretending to be so. In fact, as we have said, pretence and equivocation are greatly used by schizophrenics. The reasons for doing this are, in any single case, likely to serve more than one purpose at a time. The most obvious one is that it preserve the secrecy, the privacy, of the self against intrusion (engulfment, implosion). The self, as one patient put it, feels crushed and mangled even at the exchanges in an ordinary conversation. Despite his longing to be loved for his "real self", the schizophrenic is terrified of love. Any form of understanding threatens his whole defensive system. His outward behaviour is a defensive system analogous to innumerable opening to underground passages which one might imagine would take one to inner citadel, but they lead nowhere or elsewhere. The schizophrenic is not going to reveal himself for casual inspection and examination to any philandering passer-by. If the self is not known it is safe."



"the self at the same time longes to be understood; indeed, longes for one whle person who might accept his total being, and in doing so, just "let him be". But it is necessary to proceed with great caution and circumspection. "don't try", as Binswanger puts it, "to get too near, too soon".

When I complete copying I started starring at this picture of R D Laing, which started to be smaller and less clear

Then the picture above transformed into another picture, and R D Laing now is Antony Hopkins....waooww..





Have you ever seen how Antony Hopkins is great? Did you see that film when Antony Hopkins behaves like a gorella? He is a great man....and do you know that during my teenage years I fall in love with Judie Foster? But the problems started when one day I saw this series in the Iraqi first channel I fall in love with Cybill Shepherd from the first sight. Judie foster get jealous. And the war begins between these two ladies on me.... And you cannot believe it, they are really wild..... Judie Foster got a psychological trauma and wanted to separate from all human beings after our sad sad bitter story. She said that she don't want any contact with any other human, but her father, as she said. She chosed a very strange career, she chosed to be an astronaut!!!

That's what happened to Judie after our stormy love. What happened to Cybill is unspeakable.


Finally, all my apologies for my Loosening of Associations...


A last thing, just see how beautiful Cybill Shepherd now...


9 comments:

Laura said...

Sami--with you, the sky is the limit! What a fascinating, provoking and fun post. So many twists in it. (I'll have to read it many times to digest). Have you read Mary Barnes: Two Accounts of a Journey Through Madness? (By Mary Barnes and Joseph Berke). Barnes lived at Laing's program, Tavistock House, and Berke was her treating psychiatrist. I wonder if you can find it online through Google library. It may be out of print now... I think you'd enjoy it.

Hope all is well.

saminkie said...

Thank you Laura...it is because of your encouragment that I write....

Regarding the Associations:

The Vally of Elah is a film where the son of Tommy Lee Jones is in the US army in Iraq...and Tommy Lee Jones at first minutes of the film found an American flag infront of a building put as upside down, so he came from his car and make it right....and the end of the film he put the flag as upside down again....

I think the other Association I should made clear is the Judies Foster had a film intitled Contact...

Another thing, the three teeth, maybe symbol of side effect of badly performed ECT...because I witnessed a broken tooth with that lady in Al Rashad....

Thank you for your advice regarding journey through madness..i am going now to find it...

thank you Laura for everything..
sami

Laura said...

The upside down American flag is the sign of distress. (Perhaps that was spelled out in the movie?)

(and 3 is repeated, no? 3 teeth, 3 Davids, 3 women--Jodie, Sybil and x?)

Mike said...

such bravery to unroll yourself in this great prose. your blog is always fascinating, thank you.

tracy said...

Hello Sami,
What an amazing and beautiful post as always. You are not only a very gifted psychatrist but a very talented writer as well...i wish i could be like you...soooo very amazing. i admire and respect and love you (like a brother) beyond words!
much love, tracy

saminkie said...

Dear Laura,
the film talks about the son of Tommy Lee Jonhs who came back to the US after being in Iraq serving in the US army... But we he came back he didn't contact his familly... His father started searching for him... He found some photos and videos in his mobile which from Iraq.. It contain some violant scenes and when he met some of his son's colleagues he noticed how they were psychologically affected by the war violence.

He found at last that his son was murdered by a colleague with cold blood in a bizzar way...

He went back and put the flag upside down...

saminkie said...

Thank you mike for your visit and encouragement...

saminkie said...

Tracy I miss you my friend.....I got the same feelings for you..I admire and respect and love you beyond all limits.....

Thank you

tracy said...

Hi Sami,
Wow, thank you for saying such nice things about me...you are sooo kind. i tried to e-mail you but it came back...i no longer have hotmail, somehow i got locked out, i have a new adress. i will try to e-mail you again.
Blessings, tracy